"A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth."

"He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."

"There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses."

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

"Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it."

"Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week."

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy."

"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything."

"Someday they're gonna write a blues song just for fighters. It'll be for slow guitar, soft trumpet, and a bell."

"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way."

"Music is the last true voice of the human spirit. It can go beyond language, beyond age, and beyond color straight to the mind and heart of all people."

"I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother."