"The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them."

"The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they've been indicted."

"Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you."

"Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought."

"Everything comes to him who waits but a loaned book."

"When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done."

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."

"Many people say that they love the winter, but what they really love is feeling proof against it."

"Sing Ho! For the life of a Bear!"

"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be."

"Ninety percent of all mental errors are in your head."

"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone."