"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it."

"Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long."

"The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!"

"Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for."

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

"The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig."

"No athlete is crowned but in the sweat of his brow."

"A prudent question is one half of wisdom."

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."

"If you must keep a journal for puposes of sanity, adopt an illegible hand."

"Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with."

"It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside."